Monday, March 27, 2017

Be a Positive Parent

Have you ever seen your father advising his younger brother to stop smoking?

Have you ever seen your father speaking with the seller about the incorrect scales?

Have you ever seen him participating in a religious competition?

Have you ever seen him preparing a thesis in his area of specialization?

Have you ever seen your father helping your mother arrange the house?

Have you ever seen him helping his neighbor carry the furniture?

Have you ever seen him participating in a game and winning the first position?

Have you ever seen him stopping his car after an accident to offer first aid or call an ambulance?

Dear educator, was your father positive?

Could you describe your feelings in each of these situations?

How did you regard your father in each of these moments?

Dear educator,

If you are a positive father, then your child will be positive.

If you are a negative father, then your child will be negative too.

Like Father Like Son

The general conditions of the Muslim Ummah (nation) implant negativity in our children, who hear nothing from their parents but complaints about the bad conditions of the Ummah and the supremacy of its enemies in addition to expressing displeasure with public services.

This makes the child think that everything is upside down and teaches him how to be a good complainer and causes loss of motivation.

The positive person is the one who enjoys a sense of calm, prudence, self-confidence and fairness in addition to openness, acceptance of new ideas, spirit of initiative and the ability to listen and engage in dialogue. The positive person feels that he is always capable of changing his life and believes that it is never too late; so, he never surrenders to despair.

In my opinion, the child's mentality and feelings are determined in accordance with the positive or negative tendencies of his family and its view of life. That is why we always confirm that upbringing is a serious process.

Ibraaheem, may Allaah exalt his mention, was positive and taught his son positivity:

Ibraaheem, may Allaah exalt his mention, rejected idolatry and confronted his father and people positively. He said to them (what means):

{O my father, do not worship Satan. Indeed Satan has ever been, to The Most Merciful, disobedient.} [Quran 19:44]

{"What are these statues to which you are devoted?"} [Quran 21:52]

{Uff to you and to what you worship instead of Allaah. Then will you not use reason?"} [Quran 21:67]

When his people tried to burn him, he was steadfast, brave and positive, so Allaah The Almighty saved him from the fire.

This father was positive when Allaah The Almighty commanded him to build the Ka'bah. He actively went ahead to implement the command and asked his son to help him. Of course, the child positively responded and started helping his father.

Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And [mention] when Ibraaheem (Abraham) was raising the foundations of the House and [with him] Ismaa'eel (Ishmael)} [Quran 2:127]

That is why Allaah The Almighty described this positive son Saying (what means): {And mention in the Book, Ismaa'eel. Indeed, he was true to his promise, and he was a messenger and a prophet. * And he used to enjoin on his people prayer and Zakaah and was to his Lord pleasing.} [Quran 19:54-55]

Some people may counter that these are the blessings of the Divine Revelation, and I agree. Indeed, these are the blessings of the Divine Revelation, but it is only sent down to positive people who have the ability to convey the Message of Allaah The Almighty perfectly.

A wonderful positive example:

Our righteous predecessors presented the best examples of positivity as shown in the following situation:

Mu'aawiyah ibn Qurrah, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, "I was walking with Ma'qil ibn Yasaar and we passed by a harmful object on the road. Therefore, he removed it or put it away (positive action). Later, we passed by a similar harmful object and I put it away (positive reaction). He took me by the hand and said, 'O nephew, why did you do so?' I said, 'I saw you doing this, so I imitated you.'" [At-Tabaraani] [Al-Albaani: Hasan]

The child's personality is based on the parental role-model:

Indeed, dear educator, when the child sees that his father is negative, he will acquire this quality from him, because children imitate those who are around them in everything.
Children learn through imitation, since their ‎ability to ‎observe and imitate during this stage is wonderful. Scientists even describe it as a formation process in ‎accordance ‎with an example followed by the child. ‎Children learn speech ‎through imitation, listening and ‎observation. They also acquire their ‎tendencies in life and ‎learn the values and the right to choose, as ‎well as their ‎traditions, through imitation. In other words, children ‎learn from the behavior of those around them. Therefore, ‎we (educators and parents) should be more careful about our ‎actions and words because we are role models for our ‎children.‎

Let us give an example:

You entered with your child to a public place, and the person who was sitting next to you lit up a cigarette and its smoke started annoying you and your child.

If you are a negative father, you will keep silent and will not ask the smoker to stop. At this moment, your child will record this event and will never forget it.

In such a case, your child will learn negativity and indifference from you. So, when he grows up and sees the same wrong behavior, he will behave exactly as you behave in front of him unless someone else teaches him positive behavior.

On the other hand, if you ask the smoker to stop so as not to harm you, the child will learn this positive behavior and adopt it for the rest of his life.

This applies to all positive and negative behavior that happens in front of your child, who records everything and then plays what he recorded when he grows up. In such a case, it would be very difficult to change negative behavior into positive.

Imaam Al-Ghazzaali, may Allaah have mercy upon him, stated this fact saying,

The child is a trust in the hands of his parents, and his pure heart is an unblemished precious stone, free of any engraving or form. It is amenable to being engraved and molded in any direction. If it is trained and taught to be good, it will be raised upon this. Such a child will be happy in this world and the next, and his parents, teachers and educators will all share in his reward.

'Amr ibn 'Utbah drew the attention of the teacher of his children to this issue saying, "The first step towards correcting one's children is to start by correcting yourself, because they imitate you and consider whatever you do as good and whatever you leave as bad."

Dear educator, the positive father is a successful parent.

Children recognize this world through their eyes more than they realize it through their minds. Therefore, what they see is more influential than what they hear. They observe their parents and educators and prefer to imitate their behavior over responding to their orders.

It is a universal rule in upbringing that parents must behave in accordance with what they know, so that their children will benefit from what they say.

It is said, "Instruction at a young age is like engraving in stone."

 


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