Thursday, August 3, 2017

Is it Obligatory for Women to Dye Their Hands with Henna? – Shaykh ibn Baz

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Is it Obligatory for Women to Dye Their Hands 
with Henna? – Shaykh ibn Baz

Questioner:

Is it obligatory for a woman to dyer her hands with henna, because some people claim that a woman is imitating men if she does not henna her hands? Please benefit us.

Shaykh ʿAbd al-Azīz bin ʿAbdullah bin Bāz:

Without a doubt, dyeing her hands with henna is highly recommended. Some narrations are reported which are weak, however it is better for her to dye them with henna. In regards to its ruling, if its permissible or prohibited for her to leave her hands plain, I'm not aware of any basis this saying. Nonetheless, it is better and preferable for her to dye them with henna, so that they will not resemble the hands of a man.

This is what is better and is more preferable, since there are narrations which mention this, and it is from the sunnah that is well-known among women and it was a norm at the time of the Prophet ﷺ and after his death to dye the hands with henna, and it is highly recommended for women.


SOURCE: Binbaz.org

http://dusunnah.com/article/is-it-obligatory-for-women-to-dye-their-hands-with-henna-shaykh-ibn-baz/
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Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Hating oneself – Lost Identity

Question

I hate myself so much. I am a girl that did not live like a regular girl. My family enforced the hijab on me by beating and harassing me. In order to enforce my obedience, they grounded me for a week just to cover my face. I wear the hijab regularly, but I hate it. The schools in my district did not accept me because of my visa. One of the schools did, but it was mostly an all-boys school. I could not befriend them of course, as the hijab prevented me from making male friends there. Instead, I spent three years in the US without friends. This year, I went to a school similar to the idea of homeschooling. I hate it so much. My family is against women. It haunts me to this day how they enforced the hijab on me and thought I had committed adultery as young as thirteen just because I fancied the luminous lights of NYC and decided to take a walk. It was just a walk... I feel suicidal right now. I have lost my "feminine me"; all I can think of is to be a transgender man. I loved the lifestyle of men more than that of women as young as 10, but I at least felt straight. Now the idea of feminism caused me to making this decision. All I want is to leave my family's house and marry a woman according to the Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam. It is not easy for me to deal with the situation of spending the whole week with my family who barely leave the house. Even though "America" thankfully changed them, all I can think of right now is that Islam, like Christianity in Europe, was just a civilization that will eventually modernize (and adapt) to today's world. I hated being a woman because of the way my family once spoke about it; they said that there would be no freedom until marriage. I hated men after that! I wanted to be a man to never have to deal with this. I am struggling; I cannot concentrate and deleted my social media accounts. I cannot stand the fact that I feel so bad and jealous whenever I see my friends who live a normal Middle-Eastern lifestyle with their friends and family. I came to the US for a purpose. The masjid offers no support.


Answer

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullah.

May Allah bring peace and happiness to your life. Let me go through your letter and respond and then give you a summary at the end.

You said: I hate myself so much. I am a girl that did not live like a regular girl. My family enforced the hijab on me by beating and harassing me. In order to enforce my obedience, they grounded me for a week just to cover my face. I wear the hijab regularly, but I hate it.

You hate yourself because your parents enforced the hijab on you; if that is true, then your parents wronged themselves and you by beating and harassing you. What you need to realize though is that your parents want good for you, but sometimes the utilized means are wrong. Islam is the true Religion from Allah that all Messengers of Allah embraced. We are a creation of Allah and are weak and in need, and Allah is the Lord of all that exists. Therefore, He is the Most Merciful, the Most Powerful, and the Most Wise, so He is the only one worthy of worship. We have to worship Him with love and submission, and we have to be obedient to Him with love and submission. He created you and ordered you with what fits you perfectly, but often times human beings think that they know better, which is wrong. A thief thinks that stealing is a good thing for him, but it is obviously wrong. In the same way, any act of disobedience to Allah is an evil thing, even if it fits our desires. Allah ordered you to wear the hijab, so be obedient to Him and gain knowledge to see how beautiful that is. Be proud of yourself, do not hate yourself. Be proud that you are an obedient human being to Allah, the Most Merciful. The bad environment can make us think that it is perfect, this is when you said "I am a girl that did not live like a regular girl." What is a regular girl? If you mean a girl that is treated well and does what children do, like playing etc., then yes, you deserve that, but if you mean to be like how the non-Muslims live their life, following their desires to the fullest, then that is not regular; rather, it is evil and destructive.

Allah gave us an intellect to think; how can the Creator of the heavens and the earth order us to do something and we hate it? It should be done with love. Supplicate that Allah instills the love of Allah and the love for the truth in your heart. Patience is one of the acts of worship that helps us to overcome our desires when they oppose the truth.


You said: The schools in my district did not accept me because of my visa. One of the schools did, but it was mostly an all-boys school. I could not befriend them of course, as the hijab prevented me from making male friends there. Instead, I spent three years in the US without friends. This year, I went to a school similar to the idea of homeschooling. I hate it so much. My family is against women. It haunts me to this day how they enforced the hijab on me and thought I had committed adultery as young as thirteen just because I fancied the luminous lights of NYC and decided to take a walk. It was just a walk...

What prevents a Muslim woman from having male friends is not the hijab as far as clothing is concerned; rather, it is the obedience to Allah to protect one's chastity and dignity. When you look at how family ties are broken and children are born out of wedlock, that is abuse towards generations to come because of the greed and desires of the human beings away from the orders of Allah. Again, your family, according to what you said, were wrong in presenting the matter to you.


You said: I feel suicidal right now. I have lost my "feminine me"; all I can think of is to be a transgender man. I loved the lifestyle of men more than that of women as young as 10, but I at least felt straight. Now the idea of feminism caused me to making this decision. All I want is to leave my family's house and marry a woman according to the Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam. It is not easy for me to deal with the situation of spending the whole week with my family who barely leave the house.

Put your trust in Allah, the One Who created you and knows best how to cure you from what you feel. Suicide is never a solution; rather, it is a decision to enter Hellfire, where regret will never benefit. If you seek reward from Allah and have patience, life will have meaning to it; you will worship your Creator at times of ease and at times of difficulties. Shaytan (the devil) is making you think all these evil things to take you away from the mercy of Allah, so do what is right and supplicate Allah to help you.

Try to go to the masjid and meet other girls there that can give you support. Life is a struggle. If you understand the nature of life, it will be easy for you. Your heart is the start. Fill your heart with the love of Allah; He has a plan for you, so do not ruin your life.

You might think that what I mentioned is of no benefit, but you have to try.
Here is what I suggest for you to do:

Turn to Allah alone sincerely and truthfully with supplication, seek forgiveness from Him, and ask Him to show you the truth and to make you hate falsehood.

I do not think that you pray. And if you are actually praying, then you are not doing it right. Pray your five daily prayers with humbleness and concentration, and ask Allah in your prayers.

Try to help others, give charity, feed the poor, etc. That would give meaning to your life.

Seek the company of good people who remind you of Allah. Be active in the masjid instead of seeking support from them.

May Allah make it easy for you!


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Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Wife’s Past Ruining Marital Relationship

Question

I have been married for eleven years and have two sons. Before marriage, I used to like a guy, and we both wanted to get married, but my parents refused and married me to my second cousin from Pakistan. The first two-and-a-half years, we were fighting all the time. I used to hate myself. Then I started to think that I needed to give this relationship a chance. I told my husband everything about my past. He was angry but told me that he forgave me. Later on, the guy I used to like got married to my cousin and came to the UK. At this point, I was content with my life, but my husband started doubting my intentions. He would find everything about me suspect and would hate it when I used to dress up and did not want me to talk to any of my cousins. To some extent, I agreed, and I stopped taking care of myself, and he was happy then. He did not like it that my parents spoke to my cousin and used to argue with me and say that if my parents speak to them I could not go to my parents. I love my family more than anything and told him that I am not leaving my family. I started praying and wearing the hijab and felt motivated, but he kept saying that I pray while I am a sinner and made me feel bad. I pray that Allah guides him, but I feel depressed. He says that I stress him out, and the only reason he says that is because I said that I will forgive people who have hurt me and will try and be a better Muslim, and I told him to be the same or try and be a bigger person and forgive others. He hits me when he is angry and hates family so much. I do not know what to do. I feel that he hates me no matter what I do. I cook and clean and try to keep him happy, but he is only happy when I am bitter like him. I was brought up to be kind and forgiving, but he says that I am being fake. I try to see the best in people, but he accuses me and says that I fancy them. I tried changing him, but he thinks that I am putting him under the thumb. We both love our kids, but when he is angry, he says that he will take the kids away from me. He basically wants me to stop talking to my whole family, which is something I cannot do. Please advise.

Answer

May Allah make it easy for you. To be able to give you advice, it is important that we see what went wrong, and even though it is in the past, it is imperative to know the past in order to be able to go forward with a clear vision and steadfastness.

It was a big mistake from your end to inform your husband about your previous relationship. Many people think that being faithful requires one to confess about one's past. This is wrong as long as the person repented to Allah.

Since it already happened, then looking forward, you should first be patient with the fact that you brought this upon yourself by feeling that your husband has an excuse. It is very hard for a husband to see the man that his wife used to like. Your husband needs to control himself and seek counseling or go to one of the trusted people of knowledge and take his advice.

As for you, I advise that you first and foremost be patient with your husband and continue to be a good wife to him. And here are some of the things that I think you should do:

1- Repent to Allah and make a lot of istighfar (asking forgiveness). It does not mean that you should feel bad, no; rather, feel honored that Allah guided you. Istighfar removes harm, including that of relationships.
2- Feel for your husband and seek excuses for him; this will cause you to always be kind and humble, even when he is angry.
3- He should never hit you, and he needs to seek help.
4- Always express your love and attention to your husband.
5- Continue your kindness to your family, and never sever the relationship with them, although your husband has rights on you not to visit them except by his permission, convince him that the visits will be only take place at times when no one is there.
6- Never speak about or mention the man that you liked before your marriage.
7- Perform your prayers on time, wake up every day before the Fajr for the night prayer, and supplicate Allah to change your situation to what is best.
8- Allah is the Owner of all things and has control over the hearts; He is the One Who can change your husband's heart. Therefore, turn to Allah alone and seek help from Him.
9- If Allah guides you to supplicate, then that means that it is more likely to be accepted, so never quit or give up.
10- Life is a struggle and is full of trials, so realize that you are in one and show Allah the goodness in your heart by being grateful to Him.

May Allah make it easy for you and guide your husband to be kind and compassionate.


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